Approved - for More Paper Work

This week we made it through another hoop on the adoption journey – our adoption agency approved our home study and paper work. So, “what’s next?” The simple answer more paper work. We are now approved to submit an application to the US government so that they can also approve us for the process.

There is a reason they call this the “paper chase” or the “paper pregnancy.” In the grand scheme of things, nothing is very difficult – but incredibly tedious. Paperwork, paperwork, and more notarized paperwork. Fresh copies of birth certificates and marriage certificates – notarized physicals from the doctor – financials, letters, references – all notarized and certified – the list just keeps on going. Of course, the paperwork for the home study agency must be redone for the adoption agency and then additional copies sent of all those same things made and sent to the government.

Recently, my father told me that the irony is that some day this child will undoubtedly express their great disdain for us, slam a door and exclaim, “you don’t love me” – probably over not being able to watch a specific movie or having to do homework. They will have no idea the hours, days, weeks and months that have gone into this process.  (I will be tempted to tell them that we do love them, but their brothers were much more fun to make).

This week’s good news is one more step in a long journey.  We have crossed off another item on the check sheet of tedium. But the longest of journeys are made one step at a time. We are grateful to cross this bridge – and to take the next steps. We count it a great present this Christmas to be one step closer than yesterday.

A favorite African proverb says if you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far, go together. This journey is far from fast - so thank you for joining us in it.

Whoever this child is – it is our prayer that they will one day realize how much they were loved, long before they made it to our home.

Merry Christmas!

Waiting

In a pregnancy, you wait 40 weeks - about nine months. It’s a pretty consistent time frame (give or take a couple of weeks) based on biology and human gestation.  As the time progresses, mom’s physical changes remind you that you are getting closer and close to the arrival of the new little one. Adoption, however, is different.

Waiting in an adoption is quite uncertain. This week, we received a notice from our adoption agency that average wait times have been extended for adoptions in Ethiopia. That is a little discouraging – although the wait time at this point still seems so far out that it does not fully hit home.

By the end of the week, we hope to have our next round of paperwork complete. Then we will begin a process of more waiting.

Waiting this year takes on an even deeper meaning for me as we move through Advent. Historically, the church has celebrated the weeks of the four Sundays before Christmas as the time of Advent – waiting, expectation of the arrival of Christ. While this is typically the season for Christmas shopping and parties and cookie exchanges, in the church it reminds us of two periods of waiting.

For centuries, the Jewish people waited for the Advent of the Messiah. When we read the Christmas story in Luke 2, we most often stop reading at verse 20, with Mary “pondering these things in here heart” and the shepherds returning to their fields giving glory to God. The next few verses tell us, however, that on the eighth day after his birth, Mary and Joseph took Jesus to the temple where he was circumcised according to the Law. At the temple we meet two others – Simeon, a righteous and devout man, and Anna, a prophetess. Simeon is described as one “waiting for the consolation of Israel.” Seeing Jesus, Simeon holds him in his arms and blesses him, declaring the words of Isaiah that he shall be the light of revelation to the nations. Anna too, has been waiting, having been in the temple ever since the death of her husband decades before. Together they give us a visible picture of the waiting, hoping, and expectation of Israel.

Now, some 2,000 years after the birth of Christ, people of God are again waiting – waiting for the second advent of Christ. We long for the redemptive work begun by God to be complete. When every tear will be dried, every wrong made right and death will be no more.

As we wait for this new little one to someday join our family, it feels like a long wait, (and yet two years wait for this person to join our “forever family” may not be so long).   As we do so, we long for two things. First, may the home we provide be one small step in the redemptive work of God. Orphans exist because the world is broken. Whether through disease, disaster, or simply the overwhelming circumstance of poverty, our little one is without parents. Every orphan heart knows intimately the longing for tears to be wiped dry, justice to occur and death to be no more. May our home be a small taste of redemption in that journey. Secondly, we simply long for this little one, whoever they may be, whether they have even been born yet, to join our family. 

As we listen to our various Christmas albums this winter, I find myself drawn to two songs on the Christmas album, Dawn of Grace, by Six Pence None the Richer. The first of which is the song Some Children See Him, a beautiful reminder of how children around the world see Jesus through their own eyes and culture. May our own child see and know Jesus through their Ethiopian eyes.  The second is the song, The Last Christmas.  Written from the perspective of an expecting mother, this is a touching song about longing for the arrival of a little one, relating to Mary, and knowing that their own child will soon join them for the celebrations of Christmas’s to come. For us, we don’t know if this will be the last Christmas without our little one or not. We certainly hope that it might be the last Christmas without this member of our family. But perhaps next year we will still sing that song, with even deeper feeling.

Until then, like Simeon and Anna, like the church for 2000 years, like many others in the journey of adoption, we will wait and pray.  

The Adoption Journey

There's an awkward moment in every pregnancy. When we had our biological children, we went through a process similar to many - first, you tell family and friends, then you tell just about everyone you know, then you become annoying with telling complete strangers, then you settle in and move through the pregnancy. Sometime in the process comes an inevitably awkward moment when the new mom just begins to show, but you meet people who, for whatever reason, did not cross your path during the "telling" phases above. They of course won't ask - especially if they are man with half a brain - unless you are in week 38 and ready to burst. But they say, "I didn't know." To which you must awkwardly reply, "Oh, sorry, we thought we told you."

Well, we are adopting and we have started this blog in part because we may be near that awkward phase.

We have shared this good news with many - but certainly not all. So this is in part to let everyone know that we officially began our journey toward adopting a child from Ethiopia this summer. We are excited about this. We know the road will be long and are preparing for an 18-24 month process. We are praying for this child - boy or girl - who will someday, God-willing, join our family. We hope to use this space to update friends and family - as well as process some of our own thoughts in this journey. We welcome you to read along, comment and join us as we walk this road.

Below are a few thoughts on the common questions we receive:

1. Why are you adopting?
This is not a simple question to answer. The reality is this adoption journey began several years ago. In fact, as we had each biological child, Becky and I had discussions about adoption. So, the short answer is that over the course of time the Lord continued to lay adoption on our hearts. Through prayer and discussion together, we felt this was the right move for our family. We have discussed it with the boys and they too are excited about this journey.

As we began to explore the idea in earnest, we began to see how many adoptive families are already in our lives. As we looked, we began to wonder if that too might be for us. We began to see opportunities to learn more and our interest grew.

Adoption is a lifelong journey. It will undoubtedly have some bumps along the way. When one has a biological child, few people ask why. The adoption process is one of great intentionality - and many many hoops of learning, vetting, demonstrating capability, etc. It can be daunting. And all of this part of the process is just to receive the opportunity to adopt.

In one of our sessions, our case worker asked us what we expect to receive from an adopted child. The reality is, just like biological children, the only thing we can expect is headache and bills. Beyond that we have hopes and dreams for a wonderfully integrated family where love binds us together. Perhaps one of the most daunting aspects of the parenting process is the fact that you cannot guarantee anything - you can't guarantee safety, reciprocal love, or that children will make good choices. Parenting is inherently a painful - and amazingly rewarding - process. Adoption is no different - just perhaps a bit more obvious because of the intentional process it requires.


2. Why Ethiopia?
Once we decided to look at adoption, the questions of where quickly arose: Should we look domestically or internationally? If internationally, where? As a family, we are grateful for our many international connections and friends literally all around the globe. We have heart ties to a number of nations. As we began to pray and look, Ethiopia continued to grow on our hearts. We have since discovered several friends and even family members who have adopted from Ethiopia.

Ethiopia is a nation with a rich heritage - historically and in the church. (And it is the birthplace of coffee, which doesn't hurt). We will write more about Ethiopia in the future, but our hope is that our entire family will have a great pride in this heritage, seeking to learn and know this part of our history as we become an Ethiopian-American family.

3. Do you want a boy or a girl?
At this point, we have not specified. Our children are split - two would like a sister, one a brother. On the one hand, we are a functioning home of boys - adding to this would be nothing but joy. On the other hand, should we now add a daughter that would only bring great joy. This is not our chance to "go for a girl" or to fill an unmet need. Rather, as we move through the process we pray for the child that will be right for our family. We shall see if that brings another boy into the mix or adds the new dynaic of a daughter.

4. How long will it take?
The process will take up to 2 years. Much of that time is spent in bureaucratic paperwork - the "paper chase" as it is known. That is the phase we are in now. In addition, over the last 18 months, the number of adoptions processed in Ethiopia reduced dramatically. So that too may add to the timeline.

5. What do the boys think?
The boys are excited. They know it will take a while. Micah thinks he will be a good brother who can teach the new child (a sister in his view) how to play - because that's what he is best at. Caleb has several friends with adopted siblings and his teacher recently adopted a daughter from Ethiopia, so he thinks having a sibling from Ethiopia would be very cool. Austin (who thinks another boy would make the most practical sense as we already have everything we would need), is also excited. He already loves Ethiopian food, so the adoption will mean more injeera (Ethiopian bread) in the house.