There's an awkward moment in every pregnancy. When we had our biological children, we went through a process similar to many - first, you tell family and friends, then you tell just about everyone you know, then you become annoying with telling complete strangers, then you settle in and move through the pregnancy. Sometime in the process comes an inevitably awkward moment when the new mom just begins to show, but you meet people who, for whatever reason, did not cross your path during the "telling" phases above. They of course won't ask - especially if they are man with half a brain - unless you are in week 38 and ready to burst. But they say, "I didn't know." To which you must awkwardly reply, "Oh, sorry, we thought we told you."
Well, we are adopting and we have started this blog in part because we may be near that awkward phase.
We have shared this good news with many - but certainly not all. So this is in part to let everyone know that we officially began our journey toward adopting a child from Ethiopia this summer. We are excited about this. We know the road will be long and are preparing for an 18-24 month process. We are praying for this child - boy or girl - who will someday, God-willing, join our family. We hope to use this space to update friends and family - as well as process some of our own thoughts in this journey. We welcome you to read along, comment and join us as we walk this road.
Below are a few thoughts on the common questions we receive:
1. Why are you adopting?
This is not a simple question to answer. The reality is this adoption journey began several years ago. In fact, as we had each biological child, Becky and I had discussions about adoption. So, the short answer is that over the course of time the Lord continued to lay adoption on our hearts. Through prayer and discussion together, we felt this was the right move for our family. We have discussed it with the boys and they too are excited about this journey.
As we began to explore the idea in earnest, we began to see how many adoptive families are already in our lives. As we looked, we began to wonder if that too might be for us. We began to see opportunities to learn more and our interest grew.
Adoption is a lifelong journey. It will undoubtedly have some bumps along the way. When one has a biological child, few people ask why. The adoption process is one of great intentionality - and many many hoops of learning, vetting, demonstrating capability, etc. It can be daunting. And all of this part of the process is just to receive the opportunity to adopt.
In one of our sessions, our case worker asked us what we expect to receive from an adopted child. The reality is, just like biological children, the only thing we can expect is headache and bills. Beyond that we have hopes and dreams for a wonderfully integrated family where love binds us together. Perhaps one of the most daunting aspects of the parenting process is the fact that you cannot guarantee anything - you can't guarantee safety, reciprocal love, or that children will make good choices. Parenting is inherently a painful - and amazingly rewarding - process. Adoption is no different - just perhaps a bit more obvious because of the intentional process it requires.
2. Why Ethiopia?
Once we decided to look at adoption, the questions of where quickly arose: Should we look domestically or internationally? If internationally, where? As a family, we are grateful for our many international connections and friends literally all around the globe. We have heart ties to a number of nations. As we began to pray and look, Ethiopia continued to grow on our hearts. We have since discovered several friends and even family members who have adopted from Ethiopia.
Ethiopia is a nation with a rich heritage - historically and in the church. (And it is the birthplace of coffee, which doesn't hurt). We will write more about Ethiopia in the future, but our hope is that our entire family will have a great pride in this heritage, seeking to learn and know this part of our history as we become an Ethiopian-American family.
3. Do you want a boy or a girl?
At this point, we have not specified. Our children are split - two would like a sister, one a brother. On the one hand, we are a functioning home of boys - adding to this would be nothing but joy. On the other hand, should we now add a daughter that would only bring great joy. This is not our chance to "go for a girl" or to fill an unmet need. Rather, as we move through the process we pray for the child that will be right for our family. We shall see if that brings another boy into the mix or adds the new dynaic of a daughter.
4. How long will it take?
The process will take up to 2 years. Much of that time is spent in bureaucratic paperwork - the "paper chase" as it is known. That is the phase we are in now. In addition, over the last 18 months, the number of adoptions processed in Ethiopia reduced dramatically. So that too may add to the timeline.
5. What do the boys think?
The boys are excited. They know it will take a while. Micah thinks he will be a good brother who can teach the new child (a sister in his view) how to play - because that's what he is best at. Caleb has several friends with adopted siblings and his teacher recently adopted a daughter from Ethiopia, so he thinks having a sibling from Ethiopia would be very cool. Austin (who thinks another boy would make the most practical sense as we already have everything we would need), is also excited. He already loves Ethiopian food, so the adoption will mean more injeera (Ethiopian bread) in the house.
