Radical Shifts in Life

It’s been a while since we blogged: Last week I flew over Ethiopia twice. In fact, in the last 14 months, I have traveled to Nairobi four times, looking down on Ethiopia from 30,000 feet each time. On this trip, I spent several days with a new friend from the nation. I have begun two new books, a history of Ethiopia and a story of an orphanage and adoption in rural Ethiopia. I have listened to songs about Ethiopia (who would have thought the Red Hot Chili Peppers had one by that name). Despite the silence here on the blog, Ethiopia has been very much on our hearts and in our prayers.

By way of update, there is not much to share. We are in the same place we were some 8 months ago – waiting; dossier in Ethiopia, waiting for a phone call that could come in two days or two years. In March, we will have to update paperwork. In the meantime, we wait, we pray, and we wait some more.

Radical Shifts in Life: On each of my plane rides, I have traveled with groups of IOM (International Organization for Migration) refugees. From Nairobi to Zurich the group looked like they were most likely from Somalia and on the flight from Zurich to Chicago they spoke French and looked most likely from the DRC or perhaps the war torn C.A.R. The teenage girls in the row in front of me are much like any other group of young people. They are watching movies, talking, giggling and sleeping. But they are also different. For starters, they are cold on the flight, wrapped with blankets over their shoulders and stocking caps on their heads. I can’t help but think that if they think the plane is cold, a snow covered Chicago will be a rude welcome to America. This group of some two dozen people, mostly women and kids are relocating to a radically new life.

I can’t help but wonder about what they are thinking. Are they excited for a new life?  Are they scared about what it will bring? What have they been promised? What cautions have they received? Will this move bring the safety, freedom and the opportunity they seek? What are they sad to leave behind? What are they scared of? This 10-hour flight will bring a radical shift in their lives. No matter how much “better” this new life may be, change is hard, scary, and always comes with some sense of loss. To experience change is to let go of something, whether good or bad, to embrace something new. One wonders where their stories will take them.

With Ethiopia on the mind, I think of whoever it is that will join our family someday. What will their experience have been? If we were to receive an infant, then perhaps the shift will be one that is not realized in immediate experience, but rather only reflected upon at some later stage in life.. On the other hand, a four or five year old child very much experiences the radical shift of life that happens in adoption.

Longing to Belong: Every child longs for a family. To want to belong is to be human. This theme, the alienation of humankind and the longing to belong, traces throughout world literature. For the Christian, we see this as the result of the Fall. Because of sin, we are separated from God. We long for the embrace and love of our heavenly Father. Blaise Pascal called this the God shaped void in our lives. Augustine proclaims that we are restless until we rest in God. The Bible often paints the picture of the lost being found – found by God. It is a picture most vividly depicted in the story of the Prodigal Son – where God looks, longs and runs to us.

Letting Go and Embracing New: Every child longs to be part of a family. But one of the truths of adoption is that every child, consciously or not, also experiences the grief of leaving something behind. No matter how great that new life might be, they leave behind something of significant value to them – a bed, a friend, a caregiver, the familiarity of their culture, or even their parents if they lost them later in life. Entering into a family is perhaps the most wonderful thing in the world – the fulfillment of a longing ingrained deeply in our souls – but it comes at a cost. Adoption experts explain the grieving process for the child - every child - even as they enter into something they have perhaps always longed for - a forever family. 

All of that experience, good and bad, is part of the child’s identity. We want our child to always know their culture, to celebrate and love Ethiopia as we are beginning to do (and not just the food and coffee J). In the adoption process, the whole family becomes bicultural. This is a good thing and culture, in our opinion, is not something to be given up through the process. However, it will change, it will meld, the child will have a considerable shift in identifying what that means for them. 

These refugees in front of me on the plane are leaving much behind for a new start. So will our adopted child. It will be a radical shift in life. It will be a radical shift for our family as well: Moving from a family of five to a family of more. Moving from a group of siblings who look so much like each other, to siblings who will discover commonality and bond beyond their appearances. Learning to live as an Ethiopian American family.

Prayers for the Future: Flying over Ethiopia for the 8^th time since we began this adoption process, I can’t help but wonder about the radical change this adoption will bring. I pray for these IOM refugees. May their new life be one of great joy. I pray for the newest member of our family – and wonder when we will know who that person is.  I thank God for the radical change that comes when we are adopted, by faith, into God’s family. The change is radical – and all part of a great adventure.

Thanks for joining us in that journey.