Wednesday 11 December 2013

Radical Shifts in Life

It’s been a while since we blogged: Last week I flew over Ethiopia twice. In fact, in the last 14 months, I have traveled to Nairobi four times, looking down on Ethiopia from 30,000 feet each time. On this trip, I spent several days with a new friend from the nation. I have begun two new books, a history of Ethiopia and a story of an orphanage and adoption in rural Ethiopia. I have listened to songs about Ethiopia (who would have thought the Red Hot Chili Peppers had one by that name). Despite the silence here on the blog, Ethiopia has been very much on our hearts and in our prayers.

By way of update, there is not much to share. We are in the same place we were some 8 months ago – waiting; dossier in Ethiopia, waiting for a phone call that could come in two days or two years. In March, we will have to update paperwork. In the meantime, we wait, we pray, and we wait some more.

Radical Shifts in Life: On each of my plane rides, I have traveled with groups of IOM (International Organization for Migration) refugees. From Nairobi to Zurich the group looked like they were most likely from Somalia and on the flight from Zurich to Chicago they spoke French and looked most likely from the DRC or perhaps the war torn C.A.R. The teenage girls in the row in front of me are much like any other group of young people. They are watching movies, talking, giggling and sleeping. But they are also different. For starters, they are cold on the flight, wrapped with blankets over their shoulders and stocking caps on their heads. I can’t help but think that if they think the plane is cold, a snow covered Chicago will be a rude welcome to America. This group of some two dozen people, mostly women and kids are relocating to a radically new life.

I can’t help but wonder about what they are thinking. Are they excited for a new life?  Are they scared about what it will bring? What have they been promised? What cautions have they received? Will this move bring the safety, freedom and the opportunity they seek? What are they sad to leave behind? What are they scared of? This 10-hour flight will bring a radical shift in their lives. No matter how much “better” this new life may be, change is hard, scary, and always comes with some sense of loss. To experience change is to let go of something, whether good or bad, to embrace something new. One wonders where their stories will take them.

With Ethiopia on the mind, I think of whoever it is that will join our family someday. What will their experience have been? If we were to receive an infant, then perhaps the shift will be one that is not realized in immediate experience, but rather only reflected upon at some later stage in life.. On the other hand, a four or five year old child very much experiences the radical shift of life that happens in adoption.

Longing to Belong: Every child longs for a family. To want to belong is to be human. This theme, the alienation of humankind and the longing to belong, traces throughout world literature. For the Christian, we see this as the result of the Fall. Because of sin, we are separated from God. We long for the embrace and love of our heavenly Father. Blaise Pascal called this the God shaped void in our lives. Augustine proclaims that we are restless until we rest in God. The Bible often paints the picture of the lost being found – found by God. It is a picture most vividly depicted in the story of the Prodigal Son – where God looks, longs and runs to us.

Letting Go and Embracing New: Every child longs to be part of a family. But one of the truths of adoption is that every child, consciously or not, also experiences the grief of leaving something behind. No matter how great that new life might be, they leave behind something of significant value to them – a bed, a friend, a caregiver, the familiarity of their culture, or even their parents if they lost them later in life. Entering into a family is perhaps the most wonderful thing in the world – the fulfillment of a longing ingrained deeply in our souls – but it comes at a cost. Adoption experts explain the grieving process for the child - every child - even as they enter into something they have perhaps always longed for - a forever family. 

All of that experience, good and bad, is part of the child’s identity. We want our child to always know their culture, to celebrate and love Ethiopia as we are beginning to do (and not just the food and coffee J). In the adoption process, the whole family becomes bicultural. This is a good thing and culture, in our opinion, is not something to be given up through the process. However, it will change, it will meld, the child will have a considerable shift in identifying what that means for them. 

These refugees in front of me on the plane are leaving much behind for a new start. So will our adopted child. It will be a radical shift in life. It will be a radical shift for our family as well: Moving from a family of five to a family of more. Moving from a group of siblings who look so much like each other, to siblings who will discover commonality and bond beyond their appearances. Learning to live as an Ethiopian American family.

Prayers for the Future: Flying over Ethiopia for the 8th time since we began this adoption process, I can’t help but wonder about the radical change this adoption will bring. I pray for these IOM refugees. May their new life be one of great joy. I pray for the newest member of our family – and wonder when we will know who that person is.  I thank God for the radical change that comes when we are adopted, by faith, into God’s family. The change is radical – and all part of a great adventure.


Thanks for joining us in that journey.

Monday 17 June 2013

Adoption Update - Paper Pregnant, Faith and Adoption


Frequently friends and family ask us how the adoption process is going. At this point we are just in the waiting game. Our dossier is in Ethiopia and we have done all we can on that front until we receive a referral (or paperwork expires and we have to renew it). We are “paper pregnant” as they say. Unfortunately the gestation period of a paper pregnancy is variable and indeterminate. We could receive a referral in as little as 3 months or as much as 3 years. And so we wait.

Please do not hesitate to ask. This is an important thing in our life and we experience great joy when we get to talk about it. However, at this moment, the answer to so many questions is – “We don’t know any more just yet. We are waiting.”

In my last post, I responded to some of the critique of the book The Child Catchers and its premise that Christians have a unique (and misguided) “gospel of adoption”. Please see that post if that topic is of interest. In this post, I would like to share some thoughts about how faith and adoption are related.

First, people adopt for all sorts of reasons. This is true whether they are Christians or not. Some couples choose adoption because they are not able to have children naturally. Some believe it a socially responsible choice given the number of orphans in the world who need families. Some of our friends who are in same sex relationships have chosen to adopt. In some cases, single parents adopt as a way to begin a their families. The adoption journey is a unique one, with many reasons for its beginning.

For us, the decision to adopt is one that was made prayerfully. While we have not chosen to adopt out of some sort of obligation to our faith, I can truly say that we – Becky and I – have felt called by God to grow our family through adoption. Our decision to adopt is very much informed by our faith.

Scripture clearly calls Christians to care for the most vulnerable in society. The book of James describes real and pure religion as the care for the widow and the orphan – the homeless and the loveless, as one theologian puts it. So, yes, Christians can and should have a special concern for the orphans in the world because God cares for them. However, care for the orphan does not necessarily lead tone to adoption. Many individuals and churches go to great lengths to care for the marginalized and vulnerable in a variety of ways, including addressing causal issues for these realities of a broken and fallen world.

Secondly, adoption is by definition a redemptive act. Adoption happens because something tragic has already occurred. Children have lost parents – whether to disease, war, poverty, accident or other causes. Adoption is one way God brings something good out of a challenging moment. In fact, this is why in many of the books and the training it is so important to remind all adoptive parents that no matter how great a situation children may enter through adoption, that are also losing something. There is grief; there are issues of identity; and there are realities that will continue to be a part of life.  Children who have spent years in an orphanage lose friends, relationships with care givers, and a sense of the home they have known when they are adopted. All children long to know their parents as part of the quest for identity. This is good, right and natural. Adoption does not make these realities go away. But it can seek to make something new and beautiful and create something new out of those realities. In this sense, adoption seeks to be redemptive – making something new out of the brokenness of our world.

In the Bible, God reveals himself as an adoptive father, bringing each one of us, through Christ, into his family. We are like orphans, adopted by the King and given the rights, privileges, and inheritance of royal lineage.  Ephesians 1:5 tells us that in love, God predestined us for adoption as His children in Christ Jesus. Adoption is a beautiful picture of the love of grace of God.  So there is very much a “theology of adoption.” Yet, it is not some special plan to evangelize the world, rather it is a picture of the love and grace of God.

In the year 2000, Becky and I took a group of college students to the Urbana mission conference. As the preachers worked through the book of Ephesians, the theme of adoption came up several times, including two leaders who shared their personal, moving stories of adoption. One, speaking on the passage from Ephesians 1:5 quoted above spoke about what it means that God predestined us for adoption. He shared the idea of predestined as “pre-loved,” that is loved before we were even here. He then shared their own story of adoption, and how they pre-loved the child who would become their son. For months before he was born, they loved him, prayed for him, waited for his arrival so that he could be adopted into their family.

Many parents pray for and love their children before they arrive. That is not unique to adoption per se. However, in adoption we have a special picture of this longing to draw this child (or children) into your family. This person who was far and distant, who will become a child and heir of all that you have to offer (which in our case is much more about love and joy than money), is the one you love for months – even years – without yet knowing who they are, where they are, or in our case – if they even exist yet.

So, our faith plays a significant role in our adoption process – as it does in every aspect of our lives. Do we hope that our adopted child might come to know they love and grace of God – absolutely. Are we adopting so that they will become Christians? No, that is not the case. First of all – as with our three biological children – that is not our choice. We hope that our home, our church, and our lives will introduce each of our children to the love and grace of God. However, there are no guarantees with any child – natural or adopted. (As I posted earlier, the only guarantees are headaches and bills).

Care for the marginalized and the vulnerable is a call for all Christians to heed. However, adoption is not. It is the way God blesses some families with children. We pray our time will be soon. In the meantime, we wait and trust the one who adopted us into His family, through Jesus Christ, as orphans adopted by the King.

In fact, as I write this, I am on a plane to Nairobi, currently flying over Ethiopia for the third time in three weeks, praying for this little one – whoever they might be – praying not only for their arrival into our family, but that they will know that they have been pre-loved – by our family and by their Heavenly Father as well.

Thanks for waiting with us.

Monday 3 June 2013

International Adoption on the Hot Seat - Thoughts in Conversation with the book The Child Catchers by Kathryn Joyce


Last month, I heard a disturbing interview on NPR with Kathryn Joyce, author of the Child Catchers: Rescue, Trafficking and the New Gospel of Adoption. Since then, I have read reviews, articles (by Joyce and others), blog accounts, and further contributed to the research we have done on adoption issues. Joyce addresses a very real problem within the adoption world – child trafficking, manipulation and coercion. However, she seems to paint all adoptions as harmful and to particularly blame Christians for the abuses within the adoption industry. This blog attempts to engage with her ideas, not as a defensive reaction, but in a posture of learning about the very real issues that face international adoption.

A Real Problem: In every nation where adoption has proliferated, abuse has come. Money brings corruption; the bigger the business, the greater the potential for abuse within it. Joyce – and the publisher promoting her book – portray these abuses as wide spread and new. (“Evangelicals and the Fake Adoption Racket” article on the Daily Beast.com website; “The Christian Right Perverts Adoption”, ). She attributes this abuse directly to Christian involvement (“How the Christian Right Perverts Adoption” an interview with Kathryn Joyce on Salon.com).  For the last 15 years, this has been a great concern among nations, adoption agencies and adoptive parents. A famous instance in Sierra Leone shed light on the accusation of child stealing. Adoptions in Guatemala ceased in 2008. Over the last five years a number of articles in the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times have exposed corruption in Guatemala, China and Ethiopia.

Traveling in Ethiopia, I asked many questions about adoption and its perception within the country. As I mentioned in our previous post about the high cost of adoption, I heard accusations of teenagers paid to have children in order to give them up for adoption. Joyce cites several examples of parents giving up their children without fully understanding the meaning of adoption. Some believed they were enrolling their children in sponsorship programs, others that their children would simply go to the US for schooling and then come home. Such confusion and abuse must not be tolerated. In Ethiopia, under pressure from the US State Department and in cooperation with adoption agencies, the government has slowed the process to perform better due diligence on children being adopted (see comments on the Cost of Adoption).

Great care must be taken to address the very real problem of children separated from families, abandoned and in great need. The multi-faceted problem of vulnerable children requires a multi-pronged solution. We need to address issues of poverty, disease, war and natural disaster that often cause increases in orphans within a nation. We need to strengthen internal systems to address these issues. Both domestic adoption and international adoption play viable roles in the solution. 

Moving a child from a poor country to a rich one is not inherently better for them. All adoptive parents need to carefully consider the mentality of “rescue” and to understand that all adoptive children grieve a loss of their birth parents (no matter how hard that situation might have been). For international adoptions, maintaining cultural connections and identity is a good thing and US parents in particular should not assume that our culture is simply better than the original culture of their adoptive child. All cultures have rich value and adoptive children are inherently multi-cultural kids.

An Unfair Critique: System abuses have been real. However, some of the portrayal of adoption agencies, adoptive parents, and particularly Christian groups has been unfair. As stated above, many of the headlines are inflammatory. In her interview on NPR, Joyce paints with a very broad brush. She unfairly labels Christians as the cause of abuses that are found in both Christian and secular organizations. Christians are not the only ones adopting. In fact, more than 30% of adoptions are to single women and the number of same-sex couples adopting has doubled between 2000-2009. (This is not to say that these groups stand in opposition to Christian groups. In fact, I am sure a number of members of each group claim to be Christian. My point is only that there are other blocs of people who are a part of the adoption community and those groups have grown during the last decade as well).

Joyce uses a pair of heart breaking anecdotes to describe the entirety of Christian involvement in adoption. Much like conservatives who dismiss welfare with an illustration of recipients purchasing video games, she does not address the real issues at hand, particularly meeting the needs of millions of children in deep need. A search of some of Joyce’s previous work reveals a critical stance toward Christians , including articles critical of evangelical chaplains and crisis pregnancy centers.

Joyce rightly critiques some of the fervor around adoption. I have not personally spent time in Christian circles that proclaim some sort of spiritual obligation to adopt. I imagine they are there. All Christians rightly have a concern for the widow and the orphan. For some, adoption may be a part of that God-ordained concerned. (In my next blog I will explore the issues of our own faith and adoption in more depth). The use of scare tactics and inflating the problem is manipulative and wrong.

Statistical Realities: However, she also attacks the statistics as if Christians have created them. Adoption advocates often speak of the 153 million orphans in the world today. This number comes from UN statistics on orphans and vulnerable children, a number defined by the UN as children who have lost at least one parent to disease, war or poverty. However, Joyce points out that the number of “real” orphans – those who have lost both parents is only 17 million.  Understanding the statistics is important; as is an understanding the context of children who are abandoned, vulnerable to the realities of abject poverty and whose national systems are overburdened and underdeveloped. However, two things must be pointed out. First, the statistics cited are not some sort of “fake crisis” created by Christians. They are numbers used by the global community focused on child welfare. Secondly, even at 17 million, we have a crisis. This is especially true in certain nations where the orphan rates are epidemic. In Guatemala, orphaned and street children account for up to 5% of the population. In Ethiopia, conservative numbers hold at 5% - of a population six times that of Guatemala.  Such large numbers of children in need of care feed the cycles of poverty in these nations and contribute to a myriad of sociological issues as they move into adulthood. Diminishing the problem does not provide solutions.

Secondly, while adoption numbers peaked in 2004, they have been on decline since then. Since then, international adoptions to the US have declined by 62%. Worldwide, international adoptions have decreased from 45,000 in 2008 to only 25,000 last year. Less than 9,000 of those adoptions were to the US. Both tighter controls and a weak economy have contributed to those declines.

One reason we need multiple fronts in the care for orphaned and vulnerable children is that adoptions only address a very small percentage of orphans. The current rate of 25,000 adoptions a year is a small dent in a problem that affects tens of millions of children, In Ethiopia alone, for every child adopted, more than 10,000 remain in institutions or on the streets.

A Look at Ethiopia:  In Ethiopia, the problem is quite complex. One reason for he adoption boom in the mid-2000’s was the spike in orphaned children during this time. On the recommendation of a friend, I read the book, There is No Me Without You by Melissa Faye Greene – a story of an Ethiopian woman, Haregowin, whose willingness to take in one abandoned child leads to the founding of a large orphanage and her own complicated role in the growth of international adoptions in Ethiopia. Haregowin is a complicated protagonist and the book offers heartbreaking insight into the complexities of the orphan explosion in Ethiopia.

HIV came to Ethiopia later than much of the continent of Africa. Between 2000-2005 it ravaged the nation. Like many poor nations, Ethiopia struggled to establish programs for diagnosis, testing, and treatment. Greene writes that by 2005 more 1.5 million AIDS orphans were in Ethiopia (up from virtually zero even five years previously).  In total, Ethiopia had more than 4.4 million orphans from all causes, the second highest in Africa (and this number without an armed conflict occurring within its borders).  Ethiopia truly had (and still has an orphan crisis). She writes, “Of all of these less than 1,400 departed for homes abroad that year.”

Joyce places the increase in adoptions squarely on the demand side of the economics. US parents – particularly Christians – have been stirred into a fervor over the need to adopt children (whether because so many exist, to meet their own selfish desires for children, or to “save their souls”). It is very important to note that, in the case of Ethiopia in particular, increases international adoptions outside of Ethiopia coincides directly with dramatic spike in orphans in the nation. In many Majority World countries, formal adoption practices do not exist as orphaned children are cared for by extended family. The very recent interest to encourage domestic adoption is a positive part of a comprehensive strategy, but is something that has not existed formally in many of these nations. In the case of Ethiopia the interweaving of the increase in orphans combined with the economic impact of the HIV/AIDS crisis overwhelmed the “normal” practice of care by extended family members.

About Adoption Agencies: In her book, interviews and articles, Joyce cites the example of the Better Future Adoption Agency. The story she tells is terrible – one of paid “child finders” essentially engaging in human trafficking. Better Future rightfully had its adoption license revoked in 2010. Perhaps the staff at Better Future, who were Ethiopians living in the US, truly thought they were doing something good for the children whose adoptions they facilitated. However, “a better life” does not justify illegal, immoral and unjust practice. Better Future was a bad agency and the system caught them and barred them from further adoptions. 

In an interview posted on Salon.com, Joyce uses this case to implicate virtually every Christian agency, stating, “not all but far more than they like to admit” are involved in such practices.  A look at the public records for the organization shows that in 2008, Better Future Adoption Agency collected about $180,000 in adoption fees from its clients. At $20,000-$30,000 dollars per adoption, that is but a handful of adoptions processed by that agency. By contrast, three of the better-known agencies, including America World, which we are using, each received over $4 million in adoption fees during that time, processing over 150 adoptions that year. Joyce uses an example of a very small number of “bad” adoptions to discredit hundreds of adoptions.

Before choosing an adoption agency, we conducted a decent amount of research, including asking friends with adopted children about their experiences. Our research led us to two agencies. On a trip to Ethiopia for my work during our research phase, I took the opportunity to ask about the perceptions of adoption within country. I heard the concerns over the abuses (including the story above about paying girls to have babies and the large number of adoptions happening out of one particular region in the country), but I also asked who, if any were doing a good job. Two names were given repeatedly. One of those was America World. I then took the opportunity to visit their transition home and see first had what it looked like. Later that day I met with an adoptive mother whose experience with her agency was not good. Her stories of the transition home, incomplete background records, the lack of medical care, and the health of our newly adopted son were discouraging. Yet, they were in stark contrast to our research and my experience on that visit.

As Joyce’s book has received publicity and attention, I contacted America World to ask about it and their response. If you are interested, you can read it  at http://adoptedbydesign.typepad.com/blog/2013/05/response-to-book-on-international-adoption.html
In addition, they highlight the multi-pronged approach they take to address the needs of orphans throughout the country. Adoption is one piece of their strategy. In addition, AWAA is engaged in ongoing orphan care beyond facilitating international adoption. They also work with parents and to address issues of poverty and in promoting and facilitating domestic adoption. Like many Christian groups they have engaged a multi-pronged approach to the issue of orphans around the world.

Concluding Thoughts: Joyce does well to bring attention to issues abuse and concern over the “business” of adoption. Every adoptive parent – Christian or not -  can and should wrestle with the issues she raises with regard to the rationale for adopting. We need to carefully think through our mentality toward the culture of our adoptive children and not fall victim to a “savior” mentality for a hopeless culture. At no time should we tolerate unethical practices. Children who have been basically trafficked are not “better off” by simply moving to a middle class, suburban family in the US.

However, I truly take issue with her insinuation that Christians are the cause for these problems. Sadly, Better Future Adoption Services claimed to be a Christian agency. I am sure they are not the only Christian agency guilty of unethical practices either. However, these stories must be placed in the larger context of the whole. The abuses she addresses are not limited to – nor even predominant within – Christian agencies. Quite a bit of good work is being done. Real needs exist and no single solution will meet them all.  Therefore, let us continue to pray for the millions of orphans (and millions of children more who have parents, but not enough of even the most basic necessities of life) that the Lord may provide – food, shelter, education, love and most of all hope. May we also take action so that every child have a family – natural or adoptive – that can provide care, give comfort, and help them successfully navigate life.

In the next blog I will explore some thoughts related to faith and adoption.  This has been a long post. Thanks for reading.


This blog draws on the following sources:

Adoption Statistics:



Interviews and articles about Kathryn Joyce’s book:
Response to Child Catchers:
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Friday 5 April 2013

Dossier to Ethiopia - the waiting officially begins


Today marks our “Dossier to Ethiopia” date – or DTE in international adoption lingo. This also marks the official start of the “wait.” Up until now, we have completed dozens of government forms, had our lives, finances, home and family scrutinized. We have filled out forms, secured notary signatures and paid dozens of fees. But we have not yet been “waiting.” As of today, we are officially “waiting.”

Outside the AWAA Transition
Home in Addis Ababa
It also struck me that it was just over a year ago, on a trip to Ethiopia, that I visited the transition home for adopted children for America World, our adoption agency. On that visit I was impressed with the facilities and care for dozens of orphan children who were awaiting their adoptions. Rows of little beds reminded me of an illustration out of Snow White. As I entered the compound, I met a pair of 12 year old boys were playing checkers on a homemade board using bottle caps for pieces. They were eager to say hello and wanted to know if I was there to adopt a baby or would our family consider an older child. The children were in good health. They had good medical care at the facility. It clearly was in a better place than many of the stories I had heard from some adoptive families about the orphanages they had visited.



That visit was a marker at the beginning of our journey toward adoption. Now a year later, we have finally received word that our dossier is in Ethiopia – and we can officially begin “waiting.”

Family at Tikal
Last week, our whole family travelled to Guatemala to spend Easter week with Becky’s brother Jeff, who is working with the microfinance group Kiva here in Guatemala (I say here, because I am still in Guatemala conducting research for my PhD while Becky and the boys have returned home). This was the boys’ first time to travel outside of the country. Our trip was amazing – we were able to see so many things in the country: participate in the ministry of Hope Renewed in Guatemala City, visit picturesque Lake Attitlan, witness the Good Friday processions in the city of Antigua, and witness the sunrise on Easter over the jungle from atop a temple in the Mayan ruins of Tikal. It was incredible.


One of our stops with Hope Renewed was at an orphanage. We visited in part because our friend Jason has a son living at the orphanage. Jason founded Hope Renewed in part because of many trips to Guatemala during their own adoption processes. They have two adopted children from Guatemala living with them in Chicago. A third child, now 14, remains in Guatemala, however, because international adoptions from Guatemala were outlawed some 5 years ago. As a result, hundreds and hundreds of children in Guatemala and foreign adoptive families are “stuck.”

Uncle Jeff at the orphanage in Guatemala
As we visited the orphanage, we met dozens of children, eager to play and to be hugged. As we walked around their very well kept facility, I could not help but wonder if our child is already in a place like this. As we wait for the red tape of adoption bureaucracy to slowly unwind, is he or she sitting in a room, surrounded by others, longing for a family? Perhaps our child has not yet been born.
Waiting on a child who might be anywhere from birth to 5 years old makes for an interesting mind game of preparation.

Having our DTE date in hand is a wonderful step. Now we wait and pray.

Thanks for joining us in the wait and the journey.