Adoption Update - Paper Pregnant, Faith and Adoption

Frequently friends and family ask us how the adoption process is going. At this point we are just in the waiting game. Our dossier is in Ethiopia and we have done all we can on that front until we receive a referral (or paperwork expires and we have to renew it). We are “paper pregnant” as they say. Unfortunately the gestation period of a paper pregnancy is variable and indeterminate. We could receive a referral in as little as 3 months or as much as 3 years. And so we wait.

Please do not hesitate to ask. This is an important thing in our life and we experience great joy when we get to talk about it. However, at this moment, the answer to so many questions is – “We don’t know any more just yet. We are waiting.”

In my last post, I responded to some of the critique of the book The Child Catchers and its premise that Christians have a unique (and misguided) “gospel of adoption”. Please see that post if that topic is of interest. In this post, I would like to share some thoughts about how faith and adoption are related.

First, people adopt for all sorts of reasons. This is true whether they are Christians or not. Some couples choose adoption because they are not able to have children naturally. Some believe it a socially responsible choice given the number of orphans in the world who need families. Some of our friends who are in same sex relationships have chosen to adopt. In some cases, single parents adopt as a way to begin a their families. The adoption journey is a unique one, with many reasons for its beginning.

For us, the decision to adopt is one that was made prayerfully. While we have not chosen to adopt out of some sort of obligation to our faith, I can truly say that we – Becky and I – have felt called by God to grow our family through adoption. Our decision to adopt is very much informed by our faith.

Scripture clearly calls Christians to care for the most vulnerable in society. The book of James describes real and pure religion as the care for the widow and the orphan – the homeless and the loveless, as one theologian puts it. So, yes, Christians can and should have a special concern for the orphans in the world because God cares for them. However, care for the orphan does not necessarily lead tone to adoption. Many individuals and churches go to great lengths to care for the marginalized and vulnerable in a variety of ways, including addressing causal issues for these realities of a broken and fallen world.

Secondly, adoption is by definition a redemptive act. Adoption happens because something tragic has already occurred. Children have lost parents – whether to disease, war, poverty, accident or other causes. Adoption is one way God brings something good out of a challenging moment. In fact, this is why in many of the books and the training it is so important to remind all adoptive parents that no matter how great a situation children may enter through adoption, that are also losing something. There is grief; there are issues of identity; and there are realities that will continue to be a part of life.  Children who have spent years in an orphanage lose friends, relationships with care givers, and a sense of the home they have known when they are adopted. All children long to know their parents as part of the quest for identity. This is good, right and natural. Adoption does not make these realities go away. But it can seek to make something new and beautiful and create something new out of those realities. In this sense, adoption seeks to be redemptive – making something new out of the brokenness of our world.

In the Bible, God reveals himself as an adoptive father, bringing each one of us, through Christ, into his family. We are like orphans, adopted by the King and given the rights, privileges, and inheritance of royal lineage.  Ephesians 1:5 tells us that in love, God predestined us for adoption as His children in Christ Jesus. Adoption is a beautiful picture of the love of grace of God.  So there is very much a “theology of adoption.” Yet, it is not some special plan to evangelize the world, rather it is a picture of the love and grace of God.

In the year 2000, Becky and I took a group of college students to the Urbana mission conference. As the preachers worked through the book of Ephesians, the theme of adoption came up several times, including two leaders who shared their personal, moving stories of adoption. One, speaking on the passage from Ephesians 1:5 quoted above spoke about what it means that God predestined us for adoption. He shared the idea of predestined as “pre-loved,” that is loved before we were even here. He then shared their own story of adoption, and how they pre-loved the child who would become their son. For months before he was born, they loved him, prayed for him, waited for his arrival so that he could be adopted into their family.

Many parents pray for and love their children before they arrive. That is not unique to adoption per se. However, in adoption we have a special picture of this longing to draw this child (or children) into your family. This person who was far and distant, who will become a child and heir of all that you have to offer (which in our case is much more about love and joy than money), is the one you love for months – even years – without yet knowing who they are, where they are, or in our case – if they even exist yet.

So, our faith plays a significant role in our adoption process – as it does in every aspect of our lives. Do we hope that our adopted child might come to know they love and grace of God – absolutely. Are we adopting so that they will become Christians? No, that is not the case. First of all – as with our three biological children – that is not our choice. We hope that our home, our church, and our lives will introduce each of our children to the love and grace of God. However, there are no guarantees with any child – natural or adopted. (As I posted earlier, the only guarantees are headaches and bills).

Care for the marginalized and the vulnerable is a call for all Christians to heed. However, adoption is not. It is the way God blesses some families with children. We pray our time will be soon. In the meantime, we wait and trust the one who adopted us into His family, through Jesus Christ, as orphans adopted by the King.

In fact, as I write this, I am on a plane to Nairobi, currently flying over Ethiopia for the third time in three weeks, praying for this little one – whoever they might be – praying not only for their arrival into our family, but that they will know that they have been pre-loved – by our family and by their Heavenly Father as well.

Thanks for waiting with us.